Armpit fetish.

armpitfetishvice
Illustration by Elizabeth Vasquez

Passed along by Kevin, a past student (thanks!). From Vice:

It’s Time To Talk About Armpit Fetishes
By Alison Stevenson

Armpit fetishism: It’s real, yet not really talked about. We live in an age where tossing salad is all over mainstream porn, but there aren’t many people who are gonna cop to licking someone’s pit to get off. Is an armpit fetish really so different from all the other freaky stuff out there?

[…]

I remember jokingly putting on my OkCupid profile that I had hairy armpits, thinking that would deter a lot of men from messaging me. I never took the site all too seriously, and at the time indeed had hairy pits. So I thought, why not? I figured I’d add this detail about myself so the men posing shirtless in their default pictures would deem me gross, or even worse—some kind of feminist (a.k.a. unfuckable). To my surprise, I had a slew of messages from men who were either “curious” about my armpits, asked me to send pictures, or flat-out stated they loved hairy pits. I found myself in a predicament: If I shaved my armpits, I’d be pleasing men. If I didn’t shave my armpits, I’d still be pleasing men. A real damned if I do, damned if I don’t sort of scenario. Couldn’t I go just one day without being so goddamn desirable?

A few weeks later, I started seeing someone I met through the site. He lived in San Francisco while I was still living in my college town of Davis. The first time I took a train to meet him, we ended up spending the whole weekend together. The night before I had to leave, we were drunk and got to groping. Eventually, we were both naked. He stopped kissing my lips, and moved down towards my neck and breasts. At this point I was expecting some standard nipple sucking, but instead he lifted my right arm and began licking my armpit up and down. He paused and asked me if this was OK. I let him keep going, and he enthusiastically got to licking the other one. Licking, and kissing it. After a few seconds, he asked if he could “stick his dick there.” I panicked at first, thinking he wanted to stick it in my butt. When he clarified that he was talking about my armpits, I was relieved. Hell yeah you can stick it there, just not the butt. Anything but the butt.

Read the rest of her story, and more, here.

And an example of someone who appeals to those with armpit fetish:

Wedding-night sex on the decline.

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From Jezebel:

Nobody Has Wedding Night Sex Anymore
by TracyMoore

Wedding night sex is officially as passé as using Febreze or talking on the phone. Rather than get it on, newlyweds are wont to do any number of things post-nuptch that do not involve consummating the marriage. Consider this historical trajectory though: Medieval couples hadto do it. Modern couples simply ain’t care.

Though facts here are easily fudged — who can ever know for sure how often anyone does it, when, why, or how, or count on the doers to be reliable narrators — surveys hint at some recurring just-hitched issues that lead to one of you spending your Big Night with your true soul mate playing Words With Friends on your phone. And what’s more, being fine with it.

A recent survey from a wedding stationary company Paper Shaker claims a quarter of couples don’t do it. A few years ago, the Daily Telegraph covered a survey by Bride to Be magazine, which found that 90% of couples expect to do the deed, but only a quarter see their dreams realized. The Daily Mail, who may or may not be forever a bridesmaid, insists that over half of couples (from a survey double the size of the previous) don’t make it official by ancient religious standards on the wedding night.

The biggest reason? Drunk dick. Second biggest reason? Too tired. Last year, a financial advice website asked newlyweds why they bypass the action (in this survey, fewer than 48% got around to sex). All had been married within the previous three years. Their reasons:

Groom too drunk (24%)

Bride too tired (16%)

Bride too drunk (13%)

Had to watch kids (11%)

Had fight before reception ended (9%)

Needed to leave for honeymoon (9%)

Pulled an all-nighter partying (7%)

Groom too tired (4%)

Neither felt like it (4%)

Read the rest, including some funny personal anecdotes, here.

Bad Dragon sex toys.

As mentioned in class.

Looking for that perfect gift for the Dungeon and Dragons-playing furrie zoophile in your family?

THE GRYPHON

Many more, including David the Werewolf, Chance the Stallion, and Razor The Doberman, here.

When I originally posted this back in 2011, I received an email from Varka, the founder, designer and CEO. He sent along a write-up about Bad Dragon from Bizarre Mag. Click on the images to make them large enough to read:

Christmas tree or sex toy?

FRANCE-ARTS-FIAC

From NewNowNext:

Parisians Mistake Inflatable Christmas Tree For 80-Foot Sex Toy

Tis the season to be cheeky: It’s only October, but artist Paul McCarthy has already gifted Paris with an 80-foot Christmas tree, erected in the venerable Place Vendome. But the sculpture, simply named “Tree,” has sparked outrage in the City treeof Lights because passersby are mistaking it for a giant green sex toy.

McCarthy is known for provocative sculptures, like a giant inflatable pile of poop in Hong Kong, Santa Claus holding a phallic tree in Rotterdam and two animatronic George W. Bushes having sex with pigs in London. So we can call this a tree, but no one’s fooled.

Least of all the anti-gay group French Spring, which protested France’s marriage equality law. The group tweeted their disapproval on Wednesday, writing “A sex toy giant 24m high will Be installed at Place Vendome. Taxpayers , this is where your your tax dollars are going!”

The group also says the work “disfigured” the Place Vendome and has “humiliated” Paris.

In all fairness, if Paris was worried about being humiliated by a giant phallic structure, it would’ve thrown a modesty sheet over the Eiffel Tower 125 years ago.

See more photos here.